Jumper

Great tag line for a movie. Really. A+ for effort.
Unfortunately, D- for execution.

As if Valentine's Day wasn't painful enough, my date and I went to see the new Doug Liman film "Jumper".

The movie was underwhelmingly mediocre at best. Beautiful backdrops (who doesn't like Rome?) and a superpower I think we all wish we had. But then there's also a story and that's where the movie takes a turn of the worst.

The "protaganist" David, played by Hayden Christensen (or as I like to remember him, Scott Barringer from the short-lived Fox Family show "Higher Ground") has the ability to jump from one place to another, most times...around the WORLD! He finds out he can do this at a young age, falls for a hometown chick (Millie played by OC alumna Rachel Bilson), leaves home and becomes a "banker" located in some big city...

YADA YADA YADA!

The one thing that I will give him is that he doesn't try to be a hero. David uses his power for himself which is exactly what the rest of us would do but instead we all have to "drive" places.

But, as is the tendency of all action/sci-fi/boring plot device, he is not the only one who can do this and wouldn't you know? People are pissed off that David can do what he does and thus he's on the run from Samuel, who once again plays himself, but now with a ridiculous pelage of white that resembles the best of any Brillo pad collection.

It's amazing to think that the casting director thought that Hayden and Rachel would actually make a good match. I mean, in a way they do, but that's because they both have the combined acting talents of a piece of plywood. I spent the majority of scenes where David and Millie were together covering my eyes and praying to God that they wouldn't touch. That much wood rubbing together was sure to start a fire.

And it did.

And a part of me died.

In fact, the only shiny point of the film was the Griffin character played by Jamie Bell or, as it has been pointed out, Billy Elliot (thanks Gus!). His character managed to bring a much needed lighter note to the whole atmosphere of a movie that overwhelmingly reeked of "trying too hard".

Overall, I give it a 2 out of 5 Billy Elliots -- only for Jamie Bell's appearance. DANCE BILLY! DANCE! Far away from this movie!